January 19th.

It was a bit of a tough week. The 16th marked the 7th anniversary of the death of someone I loved. It was particularly fresh this year as it was the first time its fallen on the actual day he died. How I hated Wednesdays for the longest time. First the weeks, then the months, then the years. The knock on the door came in the evening, sitting around waiting for him to come home from work. Instead I got 2 police officers. It was the darkest and hardest time of my life. I struggled immensly. That grief has lost its edge now over the years, its still there but I look at the life I have now & I wonder. What would have been? I love my life now. Its hard to feel grief and be happy with the life I have now at the same time. But I wish that man was here to call, or hear about on the grapevine or Facebook stalk to see him happy with his own family. But its not to be. So that was what was on my mind most of the week. As I carried on with my day to day life, it was there at the back of my mind. I don't talk about it but it just hangs around at this time of year. Usually from the end of December when it would have been his 30th birthday to after the anniversary date of his death, and funeral.

So Saturday, it was awfully tempting to climb into a hole and just hibernate for the day with the kids. I had made plans anyway to head to the market with a couple of long time friends, and it was a struggle right up til we left to get motivated or excited! But we managed it, a bit of a drive which was lovely through the mountains (again) and to the St Andrews Market for all things hippy. Psychics, Reiki, Crystals, Yummy Yummy Food, we browsed and ate. Tried to get the girls to have a pony ride but they both chickened out!

It was a good day, spent in good company and just what I needed to bring me back to the present day.